


It's Not Your Fault

by 221bsskull



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Disorder, F/M, Hurt Tony Stark, Insomniac Tony Stark, Parent Tony Stark, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, Tony Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-30 00:56:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15085511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221bsskull/pseuds/221bsskull
Summary: - Infinity War spoilers -After what happened on Titan, Tony returns to Earth, broken and exhausted. He’s been trying to /get over/ his lost, blaming himself every other day.A one-shot about Tony and IW bc I'm still not over that damn movie. enjoy the pain :’))





	It's Not Your Fault

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first-official-fanfic, i hope you like it! i skipped most of the details since like nothing is certain :''''')

It's been a week since Tony returned home. But nothing was the same the way he left them. He lost, well, everything he cared about and tried to protect. He didn't sleep the whole week. Every time F.R.I.D.A.Y. proposed him to get some rest, he threatened the AI by turning her off. The maximum amount of sleep he had in six days wasn't more than 8 hours, the times his body couldn't stand to the lack of sleep anymore. He'd woke up in fear and anguish after two or three hours. Sleep was his worse enemy for a long time now. He was scared of it. Because he knew that, every time he closes his eyes, he'd see the same image, hear the same voices in his head. how Peter faded away in his arms, how broken he sounded while he held to Tony tight, scared from death. Jesus, _he was only a kid._ He should've never got him into this. He _should've_ stopped that monster, so he could save the ones he loved. But he failed again. _He always failed_. 

Pepper tried to convince him that none of that was his fault, that he did everything he could do. It seemed like the only person who didn't think that way was Tony himself. They postponed the wedding because a) some of the attendants were, eh, gone and b) Tony didn't want it to happen without Peter being there. He could get over losing his other friends, the Avengers, not that they were chatting every day anyway. But Peter was one of the most important people in his life. he seemed like he didn't care that much, but it's been so long before someıone looked up to him the way Peter did. He saw a _hero_ in him while most people looked at him with fury and fear. Some had nothing in their eyes, which explained much.

He couldn't get himself to visit May yet. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to look at her eyes. But that was something he had to do. So he got up on his feet, dressed up and get in his car. He gave the wheel to F.R.I.D.A.Y., his mind was too busy to drive. He watched the streets as they passed by. He saw people still trying to recover after what happened. He saw pain and sorrow everywhere. He saw families shattered just like the buildings because of the vehicles that lost their drivers. He turned his head and looked at the car's ceiling for the rest of the ride.

When he arrived at May's door, he paused before ringing the bell. He remembered the first time he came here. He remembered the _reason_ he came here. He came here to get the kid to a fight that he didn't even understand. Tony remembered how he lost his family all over again. How he lost the people he trusted with his life, being stabbed in the back.

He took a deep breath and rang the bell. There was no one answering. He thought no one was coming so he turned to leave, but the door opened behind him. He saw May and stumbled for a second. That beautiful woman he used to know was gone. Her face was covered in tears, which made her look 20 years older. Inside the house wasn't any better. The pillows and pieces of glass were everywhere. There were some frame pieces on the couch. The pictures were scattered on the coffee table. May looked at Tony with blank, obtuse eyes for a second. It was almost incomprehensible, but not for Tony. He knew that look so well that it was impossible for him to miss. He looked at the mirror with the same look in his eyes for a long time.

He entered the apartment, both of them not saying a word. He found a clean spot on the couch and sat there uncomfortably. He stared at the photos on the coffee table while May sat on a chair quietly. Photos of Peter, smiling in all of them, looking like the cutest human being on the planet. He showing a drawing he's made when he was probably six, him getting a trophy at a science fair, Peter and May at the beach. they were all happy memories. The memories May gave all she got to make them unforgettable and joyous. 

When Tony looked at her, she was lost again, as if Tony didn't enter the room at all. He couldn't stand to the quiet anymore so he cleared his throat, and said "I'm so sorry" in a voice he barely heard. He was shocked at the way he sounded, it was so vulnerable and desperate.

May lifted her head, examined Tony's face for a few seconds, and said "It's not your fault, Tony" while she lowered her head to the coffee table. He was tired of hearing the same words, for fuck's sake. No one let him take the blame while it stole his nights for days. It was so tiring. He was _fucking_ tired.

"No, May, it is. I couldn't protect him. He trusted me but I failed him. I failed you all.". He didn't know how far he could go before he had a lump in his throat.

"No one could've done better, Tony." May said, with a broken smile on her face. Tony assumed that this was the smile on her face when she looked at the pictures, remembering the happy days. Tony couldn't take more. He got up, took May's hand in his and said "If you need anything, give me a call, okay?". She murmured "I miss him, Tony. He was such a good kid. Why would trouble always find the nicest people?", her hand holding Tony's tightly, her eyes trying to hold the tears that are left from crying for days.

Tony was overwhelmed with her words. He didn't know what to say. He felt like throwing up, his head spinning like a propeller. He said "Don't forget that I'm one call away." and left quickly.

The moment he got in the car, tears started to fall from his face. He never felt this bad, considering the fact that he has been through a lot. He always found a way to overcome the problems, to get on his feet again and again. But not this time. His soul was heavy, His body and his mind were tired. He hated this. He hated not being able to see an exit. He hated things being beyond his power. He hated the guilt eating him from inside. He hated not being useful for this world. 

He hated being himself.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know where i found the inspiration from but it hurt to write this oof the russos better not hurt my son in A4 or i'll fight
> 
>  
> 
> follow me on twitter @/STVRKVI <3


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